Sarcastic Quotes About Relationships

Relationships are based on love
Or at least they’re supposed to be,
But I like the relationship that is
Existing between you and me!
It’s not one that’s based on all
That lovey-dovey letters,
It’s just based on the fact
That we couldn’t find anyone better.

When you’re in a loving relationship,
There’s many things you quickly learn.
You learn that he won’t put the seat down,
And she’ll spend the money that you earn.
Quickly you’ll decide upon
Which is your side of the bed.
And which television programs
They’ll want to watch instead.
For all the things you’ll argue ’bout,
People might think it’s hate,
But that’s because they can’t see that
Your relationship’s just great!

“Clean the dishes!” “Take out the trash!”
“Babe, come look at this weird rash!”
These are all the things you’ll hear,
When your relationship’s so clear!
It’s a sign of the truest love
When neither one is crazy drove
After being oh so close
With the one you love the most.

The key to every healthy relationship
Is learning when to sit back and just sip
On a tall, cold pint of beer,
While you avoid your darlingest dear.
All relationships have “lovers’ quarrels”
It doesn’t mean you’re void of morals.
But when things might go too far,
You’d better get to your favorite bar!

When you’re oh so deep in love,
Sometimes you just want to pinch his cheeks.
And other times you want to pinch him hard,
Like when he’s messy, or his laundry reeks.
And when he messes up, you’ll forgive,
And want to go give him a great big hug,
You might just squeeze him oh so hard
That his eyes bug out, and you smoosh his lungs.

You know how sometimes things can sound
One way or other based on how you hear
The way that they call out your name
Or say ‘darling,’ ‘babe,’ or ‘dear?’
If you don’t know what I mean,
Then you’ve clearly never taken a trip
With the one with which you are in
A long term relationship.

Some people spend their lives looking for love
And others want money, power, or youth.
I quickly found the first one, but it might be nice
To trade in for the others, that’s the truth!
After a while the cute things they do
Start to really become old quite quickly.
Picking up after them becomes tedious,
And ignoring their snoring becomes quite tricky.
Money’s pretty quiet, and power means control,
And with youth, you’d always be wanted,
But instead I’m just stuck with my love,
Til they write their will, and death do us parted.

They say that love is supposed to have patience,
But with my lover sometimes I quickly lose mine.
In fact, I might soon become a psyche ward patient,
Because sometimes I think I’m losing my mind!

Shakespeare wrote a lot of great prose
About lovers who found their way.
Romeo with beautiful language proposed,
And quickly a “yes” did Juliet say.
Of course, maybe that relationship
Isn’t the best one on which to rely,
Because, here’s a little tip,
In the end Romeo and Juliet die.

People always ask what will happen
I he’s Romeo but you’re not his Juliet,
They worry and stress and throw a fit,
And they fret and they fret and they fret.
But what they don’t understand is that Romeo
Had another young girl he did love,
Her name was Rosaline, and she was there
Before Juliet came along and fit like a glove.
When at the ball Romeo did see
Juliet, he fell fast and fell hard,
Rosaline was quickly forgotten
As Romeo waited in Juliet’s yard.
People who are hurt when their Romeo leaves
Want them should quickly learn to forgive,
Because if you’re not Juliet, you’re Rosaline,
And that means at the end you get to live!

We all know those girlfriends that really don’t work,
The ones that make everyone roll their eyes.
They’re obsessive, needy, whiney, or mean.
Now aren’t you glad I just steal your fries!

Boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives,
They’re the ones that control our lives!